


To give life meaning

by ToxicPineapple



Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: 5+1 Things, Existentialism, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Late Night Conversations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2019-10-27 10:09:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17764769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToxicPineapple/pseuds/ToxicPineapple
Summary: "Three in the morning is a wild, unpredictable time. It spurs people to reckless decisions, and brings on the most existential of existential crises. So I have no trouble believing that the girl who sits on the other end of the phone is just thinking too hard at the wrong end of the night. I can relate. This has been a sleepless night for me, and even though melatonin sits above the sink in the bathroom, I am making no move to grab the medication."---The five times Chiaki didn't tell Hajime her name, plus the one time she did.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, uh,
> 
> TW: Mentions of suicide, discussion of suicidal intent.

I roll over onto my side, staring out the window opposite my bed. The sky is a deep indigo, lit up by streetlights and exhaust. It's a clear night, for the most part, and I suppose that's nice. If I want, I could step out onto the balcony and enjoy it more thoroughly, but that means breathing in the scent of cars and people and I'm just not feeling it.

 

On the nightstand behind me, my phone comes to life with the bright, cheerful ringtone that it uses for numbers I don't know. I roll over onto my other side and my eyes seek out the digital alarm clock that sits there; indeed, the blockish red numbers mark it as 03:42, which is far too early for anybody to reasonably be awake. Especially not for phone calls.

 

It might be a spam caller, but I grab my phone anyway, checking the number. The area code is the same as mine, but otherwise the number is fairly different my number, so I doubt that it is a spam call- at least, not of that variety.

 

Regardless, I don't recognise the caller, so I reason that picking up the phone would be dangerous, or stupid, or perhaps both. But it is late, and my mind is foggy with a combination of depression and fatigue, so I swipe the answer button and put the phone to my ear.

 

"Hello?" I ask, impressing myself with how coherent my tone comes out.

 

On the other end of the line, I hear rustling, as though the caller is moving around, and then words are spoken softly into the receiver, and I listen hard for them.

 

_"Do you think there is a point to existing?"_

 

A teenager's voice, distinctly feminine. Higher in pitch. If she sings, I imagine she would fall somewhere into the soprano range. Idly I wonder if she is contemplating something dangerous and it I should be careful with my words. After all, people only usually get existential when they're feeling a little out of it. But her countenance is not that of a person who was considering suicide; rather, of a person who is awake late at night, and questioning everything.

 

Three in the morning is a wild, unpredictable time. It spurs people to reckless decisions, and brings on the most existential of existential crises. So I have no trouble believing that the girl who sits on the other end of the phone is just thinking too hard at the wrong end of the night. I can relate. This has been a sleepless night for me, and even though melatonin sits above the sink in the bathroom, I am making no move to grab the medication.

 

"Uhm," I pause, still deliberating as to what to say. "I don't, no, but I don't think there's a point to ceasing to exist, either."

 

She hums, like she is thinking about my answer.

 

_"Well-put."_ She finally responds, and I hear a smile in her voice. _"Then, I'll ask another question. Do you think that people have a purpose? Something they are meant to do, from the very beginning?"_

 

I shake my head before realising she can't see me. "No, I don't think there's such thing. I think people find their own purpose of their own accord, and that we are all products of our own upbringing- furthermore, products of our own experiences. When things happen to us, we become likened to certain ideologies, and from there, we look for ways to uphold those ideologies."

 

_"You're a thoughtful person,_ _Hajime-kun_ _."_ I am surprised to hear that she knows my name. I don't recognise the person on the other end, even remotely, so it's kind of a shock to hear my name out of her lips. _"Ah, I'm sorry. You don't know who I am, huh?"_

 

"...that's right," I affirm, but I don't feel so angry. "May I ask how you found my number, then, if you know who I am?"

 

_"I wouldn't say I know who you are. I only know your name... probably."_ It's a non-answer answer, so I wait for her to give me a real one. _"Somebody graffitied the side of my school with your phone number, and your name. I'm honestly not sure why I called."_

 

I snort. "It was definitely Ibuki," I mutter, more to myself than to her. Ibuki is the only friend I have who would do such a thing. Not that I have very friends to begin with. "So uh... what about you? Do you think there's a point to existing? And... do you think we have a purpose?"

 

I understand that she is the one who initially asked the question but I'm unsurprised when she hesitates. Maybe she wasn't anticipating being asked in return. I wonder what kind of people she surrounds herself with, and if she's familiar with reciprocity.

 

_"I do think there's a point."_ She speaks slowly, like she's putting a lot of thought into her words. _"And I do think there's a purpose. Just... for some people, it takes longer to find it."_ There's a pause. _"Maybe."_

 

I want to ask her if she has found it, or if she is one of those people who hasn't. But it feels like too personal of a question, and I don't even know her name, so I ask for that, instead.

 

She doesn't answer right away.

 

_"Maybe I'll tell you someday."_ Her words come out a whisper. _"Good night, Hajime-kun."_

 

I stare at the blank screen of my phone for what feels like an eternity after she hangs up, until eventually I am seized by unconsciousness and carried off into the land of dreams.


	2. 2

It's the following night when she calls me again. I'm sitting on my back porch, watching raindrops fall on the ground in front of me. There is a ledge above my head that blocks the water from touching me for the most part, but my legs are spread out and my bare feet are exposed to the cold, icy drops that the sky is letting down. I'm considering getting up and standing in the water itself when my phone rings in my pocket and I take it out.

 

I identify the number as hers, because I spent an absurdly long time looking at her phone number the night before, and swipe the answer icon without much of a second thought.

 

_"Hello,"_ she chirps, sounding happier than she did yesterday. _"And good morning."_

 

Ah, a proper greeting... her voice is very sweet when she's in higher spirits. I look at my wristwatch and determine that it is 00:03, which means that it is, by definition, morning. I'm not even sure what possessed me to go sit in the backyard in the rain. My room just felt too hot, and the temperature was stifling. I get to my feet, reaching up with the hand I'm not using to hold my phone and catching a few raindrops in my palm.

 

"Good morning." I say in response. There is silence on the other end, like she's thinking about what she's going to say. But I want to say something to her, first. "Are you seeing the same rain that I am?"

 

_"Do you mean that literally, or metaphorically?"_ She asks such thought provoking questions. I can't remember the last time somebody has asked me something that I've put so much thought into. I step out from under the covered area and shield my phone from the rain as I think about it.

 

"Literally." I finally answer. "You go to my school, right? That's why you saw my number on the wall." I hear her laugh slightly on the other end, and for some reason I feel my stomach clench with happiness at the sound.

 

_"Yeah. I've just never seen you around before. And presumably, the same can be said of me, from your perspective?"_

 

"Yeah." I look up at the sky, blinking water out of my eyes. The clouds have turned the sky a dark grey, but they still carry the lights of the city. The rain washes everything away and leaves a sweet, comforting scent in its wake, and yet I can still smell the exhaust. All the scents of people, living their lives and trudging through their meaningless existences... they linger. They stay.

 

_"Y'know, we're seeing the same rain in another way, I think."_ Her manner of speaking isn't very definitive. I wonder if there's a reason for that. _"You think a lot like I do. Sort of."_ Which one is it? _"At least, from what I can tell about you, which isn't very much after only a couple of conversations. But I think we're looking at the same drops of water."_

 

I mutter, more to myself than to her, "Or standing in them, as the case may be." That coaxes another giggle out of her, and I smile. "Do you ever wonder if some of the most arbitrary things to you look completely different to other people?"

 

_"What do you mean by that?"_

 

"Like, I see blue and yellow a certain way. To me, there is a colour that looks like something through my eyes, and people have taught me to call it blue. But what if, through somebody else's eyes, that shade is perceived as something more looking like what I'd label yellow? They still see the blue and call it blue, but in their eyes, it's my version of yellow?"

 

I think she's considering my thought, turning it over in her mind until it loses its hard edges. _"I guess we'll never know, huh?"_ She's smiling when she says it, but maybe it's a sad smile. Melancholy, is what that's called. _"But I think I know what you mean. I've thought about it a little bit myself."_

 

My pajamas are soaked with the rain and I am cold. I pull one of my arms up against my body and shiver, wondering if this was a mistake. "Hey, are you going to tell me your name?" I ask, before it slips my mind.

 

_"I think so."_ She stops. _"Maybe."_

 

"Then, is there something I can call you? In... in the meantime?"

 

_"Ah... I suppose..."_ her words stop, and then start again. _"There is a Greek myth in which a man named Odysseus fights a Cyclops named_ _Polyphemus_ _. Are you familiar with the Odyssey?"_

 

"Not very," I admit. "But I've studied it, briefly, for school. Why?"

 

_"Well, the way that Odysseus beats_ _Polyphemus_ _is by telling him that his name is_ _Outis_ _, and blinding him, so that when_ _Polyphemus_ _asks his friends to help him fight against_ _Outis_ _, they laugh in his face."_

 

I am confused. "How does that work? What does Outis mean...? And, why did you bring it up?"

 

_"I brought it up because I figured you could call me_ _Outis_ _._ _Outis_ _is the Greek word for Nobody."_

 

I don't know what to say to her. I don't know how comfortable I am, calling her by such an invalidating pseudonym. "Is... is there nothing else I could refer to you by?" I ask reluctantly.

 

_"If it makes you feel better,"_ I hear the smile in her voice. _"You could also call me Nemo. That's from the Latin version of the myth, so it means the same thing, but Nemo also has the advantage of being the name of a clown fish."_

 

Right, because that's totally what I think of her.

 

"Nemo it is, then." I wipe water out of my eyes.

 

_"I love it already."_ She giggles. It occurs to me that she might be teasing me. But at this point, I've dug myself in too deep. _"Good night,_ _Hajime-kun. Go inside and take a hot shower, you sound cold."_

 

She hangs up before I can return the sentiment.


	3. 3

We talk on the phone every night for the next few days. For the most part we talk about really complex subjects- psychology, the value of human life, and the meaning of necessity. But I'm in class one day when a call from her pops up on my phone and I jolt up in my seat, making an excuse to go to the bathroom so that I can take it.

 

I don't know why she'd call me in school. Especially considering that... well, considering that we go to the same school. Obviously, she'd understand better than anybody that I can't just step out from my classes. But I'm only part of the way down the hallway to the bathroom when I answer and tuck the phone between my ear and my shoulder, fiddling with the folds of my jacket.

 

"Hello?" I answer, as I usually do. I hardly understand why it's even a question, though, because of course I know who's calling me. "Is something wrong? Why are you calling during school hours?"

 

I hear the sound of people talking on the other end. Her classmates...?

 

_"Sorry- I probably shouldn't have called."_ She sounds nervous. _"I just had a question I wanted to ask you, is that okay?"_

 

Well, if it's going to be quick... I nod, then realise that she can't see me, and hum affirmatively. "Yeah- yeah, that's fine. What's the question?"

 

_"Have you ever been in love before?"_

 

We've discussed far more profound, taboo topics in the past, so I'm not too taken off guard by the question. In all honesty, I'm surprised that love hasn't even come up in the past, considering that neither of us is above breaching the topic. I want to give her a good answer, but I also don't have very much time to spend away from class, so I try to go over my past relationships as objectively as possible.

 

"I've crushed on a couple girls in the past," I admit, thinking of the pretty silver-haired girl in Ibuki's class. "But I don't think I'd classify my feelings for any of them as love. Love takes more than just physical attraction, I think. Though it's also dependent on how you'd define being in love."

 

There is a bit of a pregnant pause between us. _"I guess it's kind of rare for somebody our age to really..._ _expe_ _rience much_ _beyond infatuation, huh?"_ I don't know why her chuckle at the end sounds bitter. Is she okay...?

 

"Hey, are you-"

 

_"I'm fine."_ She tells me, before I can even finish the question. _"...maybe."_

 

I take a breath, wishing she could be more definitive. "So, uhm..."

 

_"I'll tell you my name eventually."_ She blurts. I wonder how she knew I would ask her that question. _"Not yet, though. Thanks for answering,_ _Hajime-kun. Sorry for... nevermind."_ I want her to say more, to talk longer. But then she hangs up, and I'm listening to the ringing that marks an ended phone fall once again.


	4. 4

I don't hear from her for a couple weeks after that. Somewhere in the middle of thinking about her and waiting for a call, I put her into my contacts as "Nemo???" and tried to remember exactly what her voice sounded like. But all I could think of was how sad she'd sounded the last time we talked. I wanted to memorise her voice, carve it into my mind, but... the more I tried to remember, the more it slipped away from my gasp.

 

When her next call comes in, I'm hardly thinking about receiving it. I am leaning against a tree and watching Ibuki flirt (somewhat unsuccessfully) with our friend Mikan. Ibuki's playfulness is probably overwhelming to our timid friend, but Mikan seems flattered by the attention.

 

But when I see the contact card flashing on my screen, I feel my heart rate spike, so I answer the call again and put the phone to my ear. I open my mouth to ask her what she's been up to, and if she's okay, but she speaks first, somewhat rushed.

 

_"In your opinion, what is fear?"_

 

Gosh, what a question. Hearing her voice again hits me with a surge of nostalgia, which is strange considering that it hasn't even been that long since I last spoke to her. (Besides, she's just a nameless teenage girl who I talked to over the phone every night for about a week, so I have no real reason to be worried about her.) I turn the inquiry over in my mind, wondering how to respond.

 

"The manifestation of a lot of negative possibilities and outcomes." I finally say, running a hand through my hair. Ibuki is teaching their friend Hiyoko how to braid and using Mikan as a makeshift doll, from what I can tell, and the Ultimate Nurse is rapidly turning a more intensified shade of red. "Though I guess that could also make it synonymous with anxiety, huh?"

 

_"I think fear and anxiety aren't so different."_ She muses. In the background, I hear loud noises, like the wind is blowing hard. She must be somewhere up high- maybe atop a building? I hear cars driving from far away, and people shouting, so unlike me, she's still in the city today. _"But there's something more tangible about fear that I can grasp more readily."_

 

"Why do you ask?" I inquire, sliding down the trunk of the tree and sitting tailor style on the ground.

 

_"I've been thinking about it for a while."_ She admits. Again with that hesitation. _"That is to say, about fear, what it means, and why we have to experience it. The worst thing for me is when my fears are confirmed."_ She sounds troubled. Her voice is so sweet, it saddens me to hear the sudden foggy quality of her tone, so I want to distract her.

 

"Well, then, what about courage?" I ask. "What do you think courage is?"

 

For a moment, she's quiet, and all I hear is the sounds of the city. I wonder what she's thinking. More than that, I wonder what her face looks like now, or what her face looks like in general. Is she staring out at the buildings that surround her and considering how to answer my question? Or does she have an answer, but she just doesn't know how to put it into words?

 

_"Courage is... looking your fears in the face. Taking a stand. Being brave despite hardships. Taking a leap without knowing that you're going to survive in the end."_ Her volume dwindles.

 

"Courage and fear go hand in hand, you know." I tell her. "They're like squares and rectangles. All squares are rectangles, but not all rectangles are squares. It's the same for courage and fear. You can have fear without courage, but you can't have courage without fear. People say that the definition of courage is being afraid but doing it anyway."

 

She doesn't say anything, but I want her to hear this, so I keep talking.

 

"Fear exists for a reason, y'know? We feel it, as we feel every other emotion, to help us thrive. Fear protects us. It lets us know when things aren't okay. Maybe the reason we feel fear is so that we can feel courage."

 

I hear a breathy laugh from the other end, then a quiet thump. I suppose she is leaning back against something. _"You're right."_ She murmurs into the receiver. _"Very eloquent,_ _Hajime-kun."_

 

"Ah, so-" I pause. "Are you going to tell me your name, then?"

 

_"...I will."_ She says. _"Just... give me a little more time."_


	5. 5

There is another somewhat lengthy period of time during which I receive no phonecalls from her. I try to keep busy. After all, my school leaves me with a huge workload. And between trying to manage my time spent with Ibuki and my time spent on more productive things, like eating and helping around the house, I barely have time to worry about it.

 

But then the nights come, and they're quiet without the comfort of sleep, or the sound of her voice, speculating about things that nobody else seems to feel comfortable talking about. I feel so utterly ridiculous, pining for a girl who I haven't even met, but... it's weird, getting to know someone without really knowing them. It just leaves me wanting more.

 

So at 04:31 the following Thursday, _I_ call _her._ I have been worried about dialing her number because I'm not sure if she feels comfortable with that, but I want to talk to her. I realise, while listening to the dial tone, that there's a chance that she won't be awake, but it's too late for me to turn back or regret this.

 

I am directed to voicemail.

 

_"Hey, if you're listening to this, I'm not able to come to the phone. Leave a message."_

 

There is a long beep, after that, and then space for me to leave a message. So I do.

 

"Hey, it's Hajime. I uh, still feel weird about calling you Nemo. So you've probably noticed that I haven't been. I hope that doesn't make you feel uncomfortable."

 

I don't know why it would. For me, it would be uncomfortable not being called by my name. But I don't know her. I don't know anything about her. This might be important to her, and I wouldn't know, and I'd have no reason to place judgement on her because I don't know her.

 

I don't know her and I want to know her.

 

"I'm calling because... well, do I need a reason? Probably, huh?" I chuckle to myself, and I hate how pathetic I sound. "You think about things that a lot of people don't, y'know. You talk about things that a lot of people are scared to. And I want to talk to you about something like that, unprompted, because it feels important."

 

I take a couple deep breaths- in through my nose, out through my mouth, like Ibuki told me she does before concerts, when she's feeling nervous. It was a surprise to me at the time that Ibuki does get nervous. I always feel really anxious, so I can understand the sentiment. But because it was her, it took me off guard.

 

I have to stop doing that, being surprised when I don't really know people who I never took the time to get to know.

 

"So, last time you called me, you were on a building, like, a rooftop. At least, that's what I gathered from context clues." I wait, for something to come, but all that comes is the silence. "Uh, I'm not really at Hope's Peak because I'm talented, like a lot of people are. Maybe you guessed it because you've never seen me, but I'm a reserve student. Not one of the super talented people."

 

It feels raw and ugly saying those words out loud. I don't know why it makes my stomach clench like it does. I can't help but think of Ibuki, telling me that it doesn't matter that I don't have a talent, and then ruining the moment by biting me. It just feels more tangible when I say it out loud.

 

"All I have going for me is that my family has a lot of money. And... and that I'm smart. I guess I'm really smart. Or maybe I'm just studious. I wonder if there's even a difference. But, anyway, that's why I figured out you were standing on a rooftop. Because I heard the sounds of the wind and the cars and I heard you stepping away from the edge. I won't ask why you were there, because I don't have any reason to know, but I've wondered. I mean, of course I've wondered."

 

I wonder how she'll feel, when she listens to this. I wonder if she'll just stop listening at this point, and put away the phone, because she doesn't want to hear it. I would've... maybe.

 

"But I wanted to tell you- I'm always so bad at prefaces, actually, so I'm just going to-" I break off, fumbling for words. "When I was- for the longest time, I mean- before I came to Hope's Peak- that is-" how do I...? I take a deep breath and compose myself.

 

"Around this time, last year, I wanted to kill myself. I'll spare you the details because it's kind of hard to talk about, but I did. And it was mostly because I had no confidence. I still don't, really. But I decided not to. I decided to just keep trudging on, into the future. And at the time, I wasn't sure why."

 

The words are coming out easier now, that I put them there. It feels like they have a foundation, now. Something laid out for me to work off of. And putting words over that is like spreading cream cheese on a bagel.

 

"Life doesn't have a meaning, y'know? I believe that. You don't come into this world for some big, profound reason. There's no underlining purpose in everything we do. But the meaning of life is to give life meaning. And I think deep down, I realised that, and I decided to keep living. Not for anybody. Not for anything. For myself. And to give my life a meaning."

 

I'm running out of time. The voicemail will just cut off automatically, if it's too long. I have to be careful with my words, and say them quickly, so she hears them all.

 

"What I'm saying is, there's not always a reason behind things. Fear, doubt, hopelessness. We're not brought into the world to do anything. We're brought in for absolutely no reason. We just have to take advantage of it. And we can do that by continuing to be alive."

 

I've rambled on for far too long. I don't even know if she was up on that roof for the reasons that I think she might've been. I just want to... to make her feel safe. That's what I want. I want her to feel safe and I want to know her.

 

"I want you to tell me your name." I say. I mean it. "But not before you're ready to. I'm, ah, going to wait for you, if that's... if that's what you want." I exhale. "I'm going to be at the fountain, tomorrow, during lunch, so... if you want to come, I'd love to meet you. And have a real conversation with you. Face to face."

 

I want to tell her something else.

 

"You should try singing, sometime. I bet my friend Ibuki can help you. You have a really melodic voice. I think you'd be good at it."

 

I hang up. There is so much more I want to say. But it can wait.


	6. +1

I don't expect her to come.

 

If I go into it with high expectations, I stand a risk of being disappointed, so I shouldn't worry about it. If I just don't think about it, I rationalise, it doesn't even have to be a concern. This is what I am telling myself as I tie my tie, putting on the jacket of my uniform and grabbing my bag. I take the train to school, so I'd better hurry, because I don't want to be late.

 

From staying up until 05:00, I can feel exhaustion weighing down on me. But I force my eyes to stay open on the train ride, staring out the window with my hands clenched into fists in my lap. I told myself that I'm not going to think about it, but I desperately want to. I want to think about it, and about her.

 

But I'll think about her later, when I know whether or not she chose to come.

 

I'm distracted for the majority of my classes that morning. My teacher eventually sends me to the infirmary, and when I'm there, I end up getting into a conversation with Mikan, which is, for the most part, me talking and her apologising, but when she realises how little sleep I've been getting, she gets more assertive. I guess that's just in her nature.

 

I barely register getting through the school day. No matter how much I try to reign in my thoughts, they keep returning her. I'm trying not to let myself lean towards one outcome or the other, but I... I want her to come. I want to meet her, and to know her. I mean, of course I want her to come, otherwise I wouldn't have invited her to, but...

 

I don't know. I hardly know her as more than a voice over the phone. I shouldn't be thinking about her like she's somebody I'm infatuated with. Even if I am crushing on her, it's probably just the idea of her more than it is her, and anyway, I don't know what that really feels like, so it doesn't matter. I couldn't identify it one way or the other.

 

(Silently, in the back of my mind, I have to think to myself that it kind of feels nice, to feel this way about somebody. Oh, but I just can't think too hard about it because I know that love takes more than just a couple sleep deprived conversations about existential things.)

 

Even if I'm trying to be realistic about the whole situation, I end up sitting where I told her I would be; in front of the fountain. Usually I sit with Ibuki and her friends, in the courtyard, but right now I want to do be alone, and she seemed to understand it when I told her. So maybe Ibuki is more shrewd than I sometimes give her credit for.

 

My lunch is in my bag, which is sitting next to me, but I don't take it out. For some reason, I don't have much of an appetite. The apprehension seems to be eating at my stomach, making it churn. Instead, I pull out a book and try to bury my thoughts in it. It genuinely has a very interesting subject manner, and I want to be absorbed in it, but...

 

It must be twenty minutes before I start to tell myself that maybe she isn't coming. Of course she isn't, I only deluded myself into thinking she might because I imagined some stupid, metaphysical connection over the phone. Maybe she didn't even listen to the voicemail. It was long and inarticulate, anyway, so there'd be no reason for her to have to stick around.

 

I'm standing up, getting ready to pack up and leave.

 

I've just been stupid, thinking that maybe-

 

"Hajime-kun?"

 

A voice behind me, sweet and higher in pitch. The phone made it sound a little bit different than it is in person, but I'd... I'd recognise it anywhere, really. I turn around, unable to hide the surprise that spreads across my expression. I make contact with a pair of pink eyes, and feel my heart stutter.

 

I recognise her, too. I've seen her before. Maybe if I'd seen her once, or even twice, I might forget, but she's... she's important. I mean, she's the class representative for Ibuki's class. She's my age. She's... an Ultimate. My brain is struggling to catch up with what's happening. I should know her name. I've heard her name, before.

 

"I'm sorry, did I startle you?" She asks, smiling nervously, and my thoughts sputter and stop, in favour of turning all of my attention onto the gorgeous girl in front of me.

 

"N-no, you didn't startle me!" I rush to deny it, even though maybe I was a little bit startled, and I hear her laugh, eyes fluttering closed. I've heard her laugh before, but it sounds different in person. It feels different in person. I'm standing maybe five feet away from her, and we're outside. There are people not so far away, eating lunch and chattering on about this or that. But we're the only ones here.

 

"I'm glad." Her smile turns more genuine, and she steps towards me, fiddling with her backpack strap. "So, I wasn't sure about coming here." She begins tentatively. "It's not for the reason you're thinking, so please don't worry too much, but..." As she trails off, she stops in front of me, and touches my shoulder, thin fingers messing with my shirt collar.

 

I think I might melt.

 

"I think I was just worried about putting a face and a name to the voice you heard. I usually don't talk to people about what I talked to you about. For some reason, it was easier to share with somebody who didn't have a real face, in my brain." She sighs. "But... at the end of the day, I still wanted to meet you."

 

I notice that she doesn't disrupt the sentiment with an "I think" or "maybe". She means it, and she knows that she means it.

 

"Your voicemail was very sweet." I muster the courage to look up and meet her pink eyes as she continues to talk. "But you don't have to worry about that, either. You were spot on that I was on a roof, and even the reason was right, but I wasn't there for me. I was there for a friend."

 

So she means... it was her friend who wanted to... she just stopped them.

 

"That's why you asked about fear." I guess. "You were afraid they'd..."

 

"Yeah." She nods. "You must've been pretty confused. Sorry." I chuckle, for some reason (maybe nerves) and wave it off.

 

"I _was_ confused." I admit. "But I more just wanted to keep talking to you. And I wanted you to be okay. And I wanted..." is it too early? Is it too late? "I wanted to know you."

 

Her smile is small but genuine. I can't help but notice how it touches her eyes. "I want to know you too, Hajime-kun."

 

Ah... my name.

 

"So..." I trail off. "Your name is...?"

 

"That's right," she mumbles, as if just remembering. "You don't... okay." She takes a deep breath, with her eyes closed, and composes herself. "Yeah, I'll tell you my name."

 

I don't know which one of us moves first, but suddenly our fingers are intertwined. It feels like her hands fit perfectly into mine. This is all so fast, and I barely know her, but my heart is throbbing for me to do this. To know her. To be close to her.

 

"I'm Chiaki Nanami." She introduces herself with a tilt of her head. "The Ultimate Gamer. It's... nice to meet you."

 

"Yeah." I say. "Uh, my surname is Hinata. The full name is Hajime Hinata. I'm not an Ultimate. But you know that."

 

"I do." She agrees. "I couldn't care less, if I tried."

 

Oh gosh, I think I might already be in love with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HHHHH THIS ONE IS REALLY OLD WHAT IS ALL OF THIS
> 
> okay deadass I'm sorry guys you're probably all getting email notifications like "OWO TOXIC POSTED NEW CONTENT" but NO I'M JUST CHANGING THE FORMATTING BC I WAS A DUMBASS WHEN I POSTED ALL OF THESE
> 
> ahem anyway Hinanami still makes me soft.

**Author's Note:**

> I will go down with this ship, fellas.
> 
> Oh, but Hajime and Nagito are also a good pairing. 10/10, would ship again.
> 
> In any case... :) hope you enjoyed. I'm trying to be easy with the angst. This one was a little bit more. Love to hear your thoughts. Adieu!


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